Merry Christmas, Crazy Steve!
by Sideshow Bob Roberts
Summary: Takes place one year after the movie Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh. When Josh suddenly has to leave and can't be Santa at the mall for Helen, Crazy Steve takes over. But will he go too far and take Christmas into his own hands?
1. Chapter 1: Crazy Like A Fox

**Merry Christmas, Crazy Steve!**

_A Very Crazy Spin Off Story Of __Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh __By Sideshow Bob Roberts_

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**I decided to get into the holiday spirit with a very merry (and crazy) holiday story starring the one, the only: Crazy Steve! And, this is also my first entry in the Drake & Josh category, so I hope you all enjoy it. . .**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Crazy Steve or any other Drake & Josh character that may appear in this story. Thank you and enjoy the story. . . . .**

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**_Chapter One: Crazy Like A Fox_**

It is Christmas time once again, which means that the carolers are out and singing and the mall Santas are doing what they do best: asking little kids what they want for Christmas and hoping that none of the kids whiz their pants on their laps. The Premier Mall is once again setting up their Christmas decorations and getting the greeting area ready for the kids.

Helen walks up after riding the escalator up to the area and looks around. She spots Craig and Eric who are hanging up decorations on the wall. Eric is on the ladder hanging up something, while Craig holds the ladder. "Excuse me, nerds? Have you seen Drake around anywhere?"

"We have names, you know." Eric almost falls as he responds to her, but quickly regains composure.

"Yeah, but I don't have time to memorize 'em."

Craig turns around, letting go of the ladder. "You've known us for years!"

"Don't get snappy with me, boy, I'll fire you like that." Helen snaps and turns to look for Drake some more.

"But we don't work here. Drake volunteered us so he wouldn't have to come in and help."

As Craig argues with Helen, Eric slips on the ladder and hangs in the air on the decoration that he hung on the wall.

"I'm going to go look for Drake now." Helen walks away, not even caring about Eric hanging on the wall.

Craig sighs and turns around to see his friend hanging on the wall. "Eric! Be careful, you know how sensitive your wrists are!"

As Helen walks around looking for Drake, she passes by Crazy Steve at the concession stand. He picks up an empty soda cup and sniffs it.

A woman walks up to him and sets her purse on the counter. "Excuse me, I was wondering if I--"

"Excuse me!" Steve starts to yell at the lady in his normal fashion. "Can't you see I am sniffing cups here?!"

"But I just was wondering--"

Steve blinks a few times and starts to spout random phrases now. "How much could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?!"

The lady is now very confused at this. "Pardon me?"

"I like pie!"

"I think I'll just come back later" "...when it's someone else's shift."

Steve looks down at the cup and starts to pet it. "It's okay, the bad lady is gone now. It's just us. Don't cry. No, don't cry..." Steve strokes the cup and begins to sing. "Hush little cuppy, don't say a word..."

As Crazy Steve sings to his cup, Josh Nichols walks up to the counter and taps on it to get Steve's attention. "Hey there, Steve."

"Josh!" Steve turns to him and stares awkwardly.

"Yes...that's me." Josh adjusts his vest and continues on. "It's time for my shift, so time for you to--" Josh makes a hand signal for Steve to go, as to not upset him too much.

"Oh, no thanks, I went wee-wee earlier."

"No...no no. It's time for _my _shift, so you should leave."

Steve walks out from behind the counter and places the cup in Josh's hands. "Treat her well, young Nichols." He rubs his hand across Josh's head and walks away.

Josh looks back at Steve who is now going down the escalator, standing as stiff as a board. He shakes his head and goes behind the counter to work.

Gavin walks up to him slowly. "Hey Josh." He says in his monotone voice. "There's a couple of nerds hanging on a wall, help me get them down?"

"No."

Gavin smiles and walks away.

Helen approaches Josh now at the counter. "Hey, Helen. How's it--"

She interrupts him quickly, as she doesn't care. "Have you seen Drake?"

"Going..." Josh shakes it off and responds. "Uh, haven't you heard? Drake's in Vegas this year."

"Las?"

"Uh-huh."

Helen sets the Santa Clause costume she was going to surprise Drake with down on the counter. "Well now who's going to be Santy Clause this year?"

Josh adjusts his vest and points to himself a few times to give Helen a hint.

Helen sees this, but is just annoyed by it. "What?"

"Me. I didn't get to do it last year 'cause of Drake, so I think I deserve to be Santa this year."

"Hmm..." Helen thinks about it for about two seconds before coming up with an easy answer "no."

"Oh, come on! I'm good with kids, I'm friendly and approachable and I won't make out with every girl that sits on my lap like Drake did."

Helen's head snaps back towards Josh. "Drake did what?"

"Nothing." Josh didn't know that Helen wasn't happy with that and that she pretends that it never happened. She likes Drake too much to believe it.

She nods her head. "That's what I thought you said."

"Come on, Helen."

"Well...my only other option is Crazy Steve, and he scares kids away." Helen taps her fingers on the counter and examines Josh, who is dancing a bit with excitement. "Fine, you can be Santa."

Josh claps and celebrates a bit. "Yes!"

"But slip up and I'll demote you to sack again. You got me?"

"Yes, absolutely. Thank you." Josh opens his arms for a hug.

Helen quickly frowns at this. "No hugs."

Josh lowers his arms. "Okay." Josh starts to work as Helen walks away.

Gavin walks by the counter, comforting a crying Eric. "I got it."

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**Coming Up In Chapter Two: Crazy Steve at home! A look into his life and his beloved Sally the Woodchipper. **


	2. Chapter 2: Crazy For You

**_Chapter Two: Crazy For You_**

Later that night, Crazy Steve is at home and has decorated his house with Christmas decorations. But not ordinary ones, his own special decorations. There are pantyhose hung over the fireplace that he drew in on his wall, a dried up Christmas tree with oranges and apples and other round fruits stuck on it, and poison ivy leaves hanging on the ceiling.

Steve is in his garage, with his beloved wood chipper/girlfriend Sally. He has placed a Santa hat on top of where it would spit out whatever he puts into it. He holds a cup of eggnog and rubs Sally a bit. "It's that time of year, honey." Steve leans in as if to hear what she's saying. "What? No, that's for New Years! I mean it's time..." Steve runs to the back of the garage and grabs a present. He runs back and holds it up to the machine. "For gift exchange! I know it's not quite Christmas, but I was too excited! Besides, Santa will bring us better gifts anyway! Merry Christmas!" Steve giggles a bit. "I'll open it for you, I can see you're too overjoyed to open it." He tears the newspaper off of the box and opens it up. It is a pink headband. "It's a headband...that goes your head. Like a hat goes on the head...of a big, bald guy to hide his shame." Steve places the headband in front of the Santa hat. It falls off a few seconds later. Steve smiles oddly and bites his lip a bit.

There is a knock at the door after a few minutes of Steve staring at Sally. "Be right back." Steve walks out of the garage and outside to his front door.

There are Christmas carolers waiting there to sing. About six or seven of them, along with two adults. Steve walks up behind them. "Hey!"

They all jump, not expecting him to come outside and around.

"Who are you people?!" Steve begins to shout louder with each statement. "I have no candy! Why are you here?!"

The kids look at each other, frightened. One of the adults steps forward and approaches Steve. "Is...is this your house?"

"Yes, it is." Steve starts to raise his hand to lift the hat off of the man he is talking to.

"Don't do that." The man slaps Steve's hand away. "Then why did you come outside to us instead of opening the door?"

Steve shrugs his shoulders. "I like snow."

The man looks around, not seeing snow. "This is San Diego, there's no snow here." Steve just raises his hand again to remove the hat of the man. He slaps Steve's hand away again. "Well...we'll just sing out here to you then. Kids?"

The kids walk up and hold their song sheets up. They begin to sing. Crazy Steve sways a bit as they do. During the middle of the song, Crazy Steve suddenly bursts out and ruins the song. "Sing Superfreak!"

One of the kids is brave enough to speak up. "But that's not a Christm--"

"I wanna hear Superfreak!" Steve stomps and whines a little.

The man's wife walks to the kids and pushes a few of them forward, away from Steve. "Kids, let's go to the next house. Maybe it'll be a little less...crazy."

As the man begins to walk away with the kids and his wife, Steve yanks the hat off of his head and places his hand on his bald head. "Hey! Give me that back."

Steve keeps his hand on as the man tries to pull away. "Your head is shiny...like a bowling ball."

The man grabs his hat from Steve and yanks his hand off. "Don't--"

Steve slaps his hand on top again. "I want to polish it! Make it sparkle!"

"No! Let go." The man pulls away from Steve's grasp and runs away, following his wife and the carolers.

Steve sniffs his hand and walks back to the garage to return to his beloved Sally. When he enters the garage, he closes the door to it and hugs Sally. "Ooh, what did you get me?" He looks down and next to Sally is a present also wrapped in newspaper. Even though he bought it, he wrapped it and he put it there, he still believes it is from Sally. Steve picks it up and hastily opens it. "A Banana! Thank you Sally, I love you too!" He hugs it again and sighs. "You've made me the happiest man in the world, Sally. More happy than Santa and The April Fool put together!"

The next day, Steve goes through his morning routine and drives his Delorean to work. He gets out and heads out to the mall to work the concession stand once again. When he arrives there, he sees Helen waiting for him with a bag of clothes. "Helen!"

"Crazy Steve, today you are not working the food area."

Steve is immediately offended. "How dare you?! I love my job!"

"Easy Crazy Steve," Helen hopes that this will calm him down. "I have a special, better job for you." Helen lifts the bag and shakes it a little.

Steve raises his hand as if he is in school, to ask a question.

Helen was not prepared for this and caught off guard. "Ye--yes?"

He quickly shoots his hand back down to his side. "Does it involve toilets?"

Helen shakes her head. "No, it's toliet free."

Steve quickly grabs the bag out of Helen's hands. "Then I accept!" He looks inside and immediately knows what he gets to do. He giggles a bit and runs off to change.

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**Coming up in Chapter Three: Steve becomes Elf to Santa Josh in the mall! But can he control his crazy long enough not to scare the kids away?**


	3. Chapter 3: Elfin' Crazy

**Chapter Three: Elfin' Crazy**

As Crazy Steve was changing into what Helen gave him, Josh was in the comfy Santa seat in the mall greeting children and asking what they want for Christmas as Santa. A little boy steps up to Josh and sits on his lap. "And what do you want for Christmas, little boy?"

The boy takes out a list and begins to read it. "I want a toy truck, and a race car, and a sailboat, and a puppy, and a giant candy cane,"

"You came prepared, didn't you..." Josh looks over at the ever growing line of kids, and then back at the boy who is still reading his list.

"...and a rabbit, and a pony, and an action figure, and..." The line of kids start to get rowdy and the adults are shouting at Josh now.

"Hold your horses, Santa can only talk to one kid at a time!" Josh looks back at the kid and grabs the list. "Hey, why don't I just take the list, okay? Okay." Josh sighs as the kid is escorted away by his father. "Gavin, bring on the next kid." Josh looks over and Gavin is no where to be found. "Gavin? Great."

Crazy Steve runs out of the restroom, screaming. "I'm comin' Santa!" He is wearing an elf costume that is about two sizes too small. The only thing that fits are the ears and hat. Josh gets up and starts to walk to the red rope to let the next kid through. Steve runs in and tackles Josh to the ground. "Don't touch that rope! I got this Santa!"

Josh groans a little and looks at Steve who has Josh pinned to the ground. "You tackled me to tell me you're here to help?"

Steve nods and smiles. "Yup!"

"But why?"

Steve begins to shout. "It's my job to touch the rope! It's my rope! I like that rope!"

"Great explanation," Josh shouts back. "Can I get up now?"

"Sure, Santa." Crazy Steve helps Josh up and walks to the rope. He lifts it and lets the next kid through.

The kid sits on Santa's lap and begins to tell him what she wants.

Meanwhile, Steve talks to the kids.

"Is that really Santa?" One little girl asks.

Steve smiles. "Well, of course it is! He came all the way down here from the North Pole just to talk to you guys! But he has to get back real soon, 'cause he's got presents to make."

Another kid speaks up from the crowd. "But if that's Santa, then who's that other Santa in the mall I was at yesterday?"

Steve immediately gets angry. "That was an imposter! We have the real Santy Claus! Santa is old and homely! Did their Santa look old and homely like ours?!"

Josh turns to Steve and shakes his head. "I have feelings, you know."

"Quiet Santa, I've got this!" Steve returns to shouting at the kids.

"Ohh...Santa needs to take care of an issue, little girl." Josh picks the girl up off his lap and sets her down. He walks over to Steve and taps him on the shoulder. Josh whispers angrily to Crazy Steve. "What are you doing?! You can't yell at the kids!"

"Don't tell me what to do, Santa!"

Some of the parents whisk their kids away now because of Steve's yelling while they have a chance.

"You're not the boss of me!" Steve turns back to the kids.

"Yes I am! You're my elf, you listen to me." Steve spins around and faces Josh. He looks like he is about to burst with angry, mass craziness. "But...but, you can do whatever you want because you're a good elf."

"Thank you Santa." Steve slaps him on the back of the head and goes back to the children.

"Yeah, no problem." Josh rubs his head and goes back to his chair. The little girl is now gone and he is alone for the moment. "Okay, send in--" Josh's cell phone rings, a holiday ring tone of course. This is Josh after all. "Oh, hold on!" He takes it out and sees who is calling him: Drake. "I have to take this," Josh gets up and gives orders as he walks away. "uh...stall them Crazy Steve."

Steve gives a thumbs up. "You got it!" He laughs a little and stares at the kids. He pulls out his phone. "Anyone want to see pictures of a woodchipper?"

Josh is now far away from the kids and talking to Drake."Drake, what's up? How's Vegas?"

"Wouldn't know. My car died on the way there!"

Josh is now very concerned for his brother's safety. "What? Are--are you okay? Can you call a cab or a tow truck or something?"

"Well, I could...if I still had my wallet."

Immediately, Josh knows that Drake did something stupid. Just by that sentence. "What did you do?"

"I was asking a hobo where the nearest bus station is and he ran off with my wallet!"

"Why were you showing him your wallet?!"

"He wanted to see how much money I had."

Josh begins to shout at Drake, like he usually does. "And you showed him?!"

"Can you come and pick me up?" Drake says, not being effected by the shouting.

"Well, why can't Dad?"

"Dad's at work."

"Ohh...and mom's away. Great." Josh thinks for a second. "Can you wait until tomorrow? I'm kinda busy here."

"Tomorrow?! I'm in the middle of nowhere with no money and no place to sleep!"

"Okay, okay...after work. How about after work?"

"Dude, I'm hot, there are hobos looking at me weird, and I'm pretty sure I see a vulture...or is that a turtle?"

Josh takes the phone away from his ear for a second and stares at it in amazement of Drake's question. "Turtles don't fly!"

"Oh...then it's a vulture."

"Okay, I'll see if I can get someone to take over and get you. Just stay where you're at."

"Easy for you to say."

"Drake."

"Okay, okay. Grumpy." Drake hangs up.

Josh sighs and puts the phone away as he heads back to the greeting area. He spots Gavin walking towards him. "Hey Gavin, I was wondering if you could cover for me as Santa while I'm gone."

Gavin thinks and quickly responds as Josh would with him. "No." He walks away, to continue his break.

"Thanks! Thanks for the help!" Josh looks around, panicked. He sees Crazy Steve freaking out the kids. He walks up to him and taps Steve on the shoulder.

Steve grabs Josh's arm and pins it behind his back. "Don't touch me!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let Santa go!" Steve lets Josh go and he takes a few steps back. "Follow me." Josh heads towards the restroom.

"Ooh, an adventure! Kids, Santa and his freakishly tall elf will be right back!" Steve follows Josh to the restrooms for further instructions...

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**Coming Up In Chapter Four: Santa Steve is on the job! Steve does his best to be Santa, but the crazy inside won't exactly help. See what happens, next...**


	4. Chapter 4: Crazed For The Holidays

**Chapter Four: Crazed For The Holidays**

Inside the restrooms of the mall, Josh is changing inside one of the stalls. Steve enters the restroom and joins him in the stall. This catches Josh by surprise and terror. "Why are you in here?!"

"Oh, am I done following you?"

"Yes! Get out!"

Steve gets closer to Josh, angry. "Don't yell at me!"

"Sorry..." Josh stutters a bit, scared. "Please leave."

Steve opens the door and gets out. Josh locks the door as soon as Steve leaves the stall.

"Okay, so I have to go to the outskirts of Las Vegas to pick up my idiot brother." Josh changes out of the Santa suit in the stall as he talks. "This means, you get to be Santa for today."

"Me?" Steve asks, being filled with joy and cheer just thinking about being Santa for a day.

"Yes. I have no other choice. Here's the costume." Josh tosses it over the top of the stall for Steve. He looks for his clothes in the stall, only to realize that he forgot to grab them on the way in. "Oh great. That's just great! I forgot to grab my clothes!"

Crazy Steve raises a finger in the air, knowing what to do. "I have an idea!"

Moments later, the two emerge from the restroom. Steve is in the Santa Claus suit now and Josh is in the very small elf costume.

"I think it looks good on you. You make a cute elf." Steve pokes the ears.

"Thanks." Josh grinds his teeth a little. "I gotta go get Drake. Have Gavin take over the rope lifting and you do the Santa thing."

Steve starts to poke Josh's elf ears, entranced by them. "Okay."

Josh quickly knocks his hand away. "Don't screw it up, please? Helen will fire me if she realizes I gave you the suit. Remember--"

Steve starts to poke the ears again. "You're like a big Keebler Elf."

"Stop it!" Josh yanks the fake ears and hat off. "Helen doesn't know that I'm gone. So act like me if she comes by. Got it?"

Steve nods slowly, looking at the elf ears in Josh's hands. "Act spazzy, got it."

"Feelings..." Josh mutters more things under his breath and walks away to go to his car.

Steve smiles widely and heads back to the chair. Gavin has returned and is at the rope, ready to let kids pass. Steve sits down and adjusts his beard.

Gavin lets one kid on through to talk to Santa Steve. She sits on his lap and begins to tell him what she wants. "I want a pony for Christmas, Santa."

"Well, if you've been a good girl, then--"

He is quickly interrupted. "Are you really Santa?"

Steve almost snaps at this question. "What kind of question is that?! Yes I am!"

"But you're not fat like Santa is."

Steve blinks a few times then snaps on her. "I am Santa! I have been cutting back on the treats, okay?! So I'd appreciate it if you'd just tell me what you what instead of oogling at Santa's hot bod!"

The little girl begins to cry. Her mother runs in and picks her up off of Steve's lap to take her away. She slaps Steve hard in the cheek and walks away in a huff.

Gavin picks up the rope to let the next child past. "Next." He lets a little boy on through and puts the rope back on the hook.

The boy sits on Steve's lap and smiles. "Hi Santa!"

"Well hello, little boy. What do you want for Christmas?"

"I want a Dora the Explora action figure!"

Steve gasps. This is his favorite show as well, so naturally this gets him off of subject. "Me too! I love Dora! Except sometimes she doesn't know where she's going and asks me." Steve starts to flail his arms. "How am I supposed to know?! I'm not a explora!"

The boy looks around for a few seconds, not knowing what to do. "Santa?"

Steve looks at the boy and halts his rant. "What?!"

"I thought this was about me."

"I have feelings! Santa is a person too! Why does no one ask me what I want for Christmas?!" The boy hops off of Steve's lap and runs away. "Merry Christmas!" Steve waves at the boy running away and leans back in the chair.

Helen walks up to him, still thinking Josh is there. "Hey Drake's brother. How's it going over here? Steve scaring away any kids?"

"No," Steve does his best to imitate Josh, but is failing miserably. "Steven is being a good boy."

Helen looks over at Gavin, who just waves slowly. "Where is Steve anyway? Is he slacking off again?"

"He's...he's...." Steve cannot think of anything to say, so he of course resorts to screaming. "What I..._he_ does is none of my business!"

"Okay, okay. Just tell him to stay by the rope until it's the end of his shift when he gets back...from wherever he is." Helen takes a quick look at Steve and walks away, wondering why 'Josh' yelled at her.

As the day passes, Steve talks to more and more kids and eventually scares each and every one of them away. But he did manage to find out what each kid wanted before they fled the mall. This is where all the other ordinary mall Santas would stop and wait until the next holiday season to do the same thing. But, Steve isn't ordinary...or an official mall Santa.

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**Coming Up in Chapter Five: Steve takes Christmas into his own hands! How you ask? Well, you'll just have to find out, now won't you?**


	5. Chapter 5: Crazy & The Thief In The Nite

**I would like to say I cannot take full credit for the Crazy Steve part in this chapter, as it is a parody of **_**The Night Before Christmas, **_**at least in the begining**_**. **_**I wanted to do something different before ending the story, so I wrote it entirely in rhyme. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you...**

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**Chapter Five: Crazy and The Thief In The Night**

So, it is a a few nights before Christmas, and all through the store, not a creature is stirring...except Crazy Steve who slept on the floor.

He wakes up to the ringing of a Dora clock, one that he took from a shelf and then made it tock.

He gets up and fixes his hair, making sure all of the gel leaves no strand to spare.

Steve looks around and lets out a yawn, realizing he's alone and everyone is gone.

"Now it is time," Steve says to himself, "For operation Santa Claus to go off like a lime."

This makes no sense as we all know, but our friend Steve doesn't care, as he loves his crazy to show.

Off through the store Steve runs around, grabbing toys and gifts for kids across town.

In the store's Santa suit he does wear, disguising himself, all except for the hair.

A doll, a teacup, a toy fish and a penguin, into Steve's burlap Santa sack with them all.

As Steve ransacks the store for the good of the tykes, the security guard is asleep in the booth; worn out from holiday hype.

Crazy Steve, once his sack his full and his suit all sweaty, pulls out a list to see if his goal he's acheived.

He scans it once and scans it twice, as if he was seeing who was naughty and nice.

He nods his head and puts the list away, Steve has gotten all that is needed without having to pay.

He picks up the bag and slings it on his shoulder, and with a grunt he proclaims: "This thing is as heavy as a boulder! I sure hope the bottom doesn't--"

But before he could finish, there was a rip. And before you could say 'enchilada', the toys began to abandon ship.

The goods that Steve lifted are now on the ground, and because of this it made a very loud sound.

The guard in the area this did awaken. Now alert the portly cop ran out to scan the surroundings, still somewhat tired and very shaken.

He saw Steve in the Santa Claus suit and also of course all of the stolen loot.

The cop called for backup and approached Steve on the floor, unaware that he is bargaining for more.

A few taps on the shoulder is enough to make Steve flail like a bat, and sure enough the security guard did just that.

"Excuse me, sir." The guard did say "If you're stealing all that, you're gonna pay."

Steve spins around in a second, angrier than heck. "Live apple grenade, hit the deck!"

This confuses the guard beyond belief, yet that's not all the crazy hidden underneath.

The guard takes one step forward, and then two. He's prepared to do what he needs to do.

Steve stands his ground, ready to shout. At any rate, he is also ready to spout.

"Put all this back and then come with me, and then--"

Steve did shout, interrupting the guard: "Happiness is key!"

"Stop that you, no need to scream." The guard grabs Steve's hand to put behind his back. "Don't make me call out the S.W.A.T team."

Steve slaps the guard in the back of the head with his free hand. No reason why, Steve is just a crazy man.

"You're going to jail bub, that's it for you." The guard puts both hands behind Steve's back. "The toilets are cold, hope you don't have to number two."

Outside the two do go, meeting the police who suddenly showed.

The guard had the called and out they did hurry, ready to arrest the nut in a scurry.

He led Steve to the cop car, and shoved him in it. Teens and kids arrive in a crowd, very upset.

"Don't worry all," Steve shouts from the car. "Santa'll be out hopefully next fall!"

The car rides off, down the road. Onwards to the police station it does go...

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**Could this be it for Crazy Steve? Will he be locked away for life?.... Of course not! Find out what happens in the possibly exciting conclusion!**


	6. Chapter 6: Crazy For Christmas

**Okay, back to normal now. No more rhymes all the time...except for that. Seriously though, here is the final chapter. Enjoy . . .**

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**Chapter Six: Crazy For Christmas**

Sometime later in the afternoon of the next day, after Steve has successfully scared all of the cellmates in the police office's holding cell, someone finally visits Steve. He is there to bail him out. The man waits at the officer's desk as the cop goes to tell Steve.

The cop walks up to the cell and sees that all of the crooks in the cell are cowering in the corner because of Steve, who is in the other corner. "Hey, crazy."

Steve immediately turns around and responds. "Yes?"

"You're free to go. It's all been taken care of."

Steve runs up to the bars and pulls the cop's head onto the bars. He kisses it. "Thank you, delicous tasting forhead cop."

"Sure....but first he wants to talk to you." The cop pulls back and signals the man who bailed out Steve to come.

He is wearing red pants, with brown suspenders over his white shirt. His beard is white and long, and his head balding. He resembles that of Santa Claus. "Steven."

"Santa?! You bailed me out?" Steve reaches out to touch the man's bald head, but is out of reach.

The man in the red pants nods. "Yes, I bailed you out and told the police and the mall about you, you're lucky they're not pressing charges."

Steve looks up into the sky to shout. "It's a Christmas miracle!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Let's get you out of there." He backs up and lets the cop unlock the cell. Steve runs out and hugs the Santa man, and once he's done he places his hand on top of his head. "Still interested in bald people, I see."

"It's smooth...like baby's bottom." Steve squeaks a bit and rubs the man's head some more.

"That's enough." The man takes Steve's hand off of his head and starts to walk away.

Steve runs to him to follow. "Thanks for bailing me out again, Santa!"

"For the last time, I'm not Santa! I'm your Uncle Stanley!"

About an hour later, Steve returns to the Premiere Mall to resume his job and to return the suit which is now practically ruined with sweat and dirt.

As soon as he enters he is met by Helen's frowning face. "Crazy Steve!"

"Helen!" Steve shouts back as soon as he enters.

"You are late. And you did not do your job yesterday, rope lifting." Helen is still, remarkably, unaware that it was him in Josh's place. "Where were you?"

Steve blinks a bit. "I had to go pee-pee."

"Well, go whizz on your own time from now on, you got that?" Helen spots the suit in Steve's hands. "And what are you doing with the Santa suit?"

Steve looks down at the suit and then up at Helen. "Josh wanted me to give it to you. Merry Christmas." Steve pats Helen on the head and walks away to go to work.

A few minutes later, Drake and Josh walk in. Josh is still wearing the elf costume and Drake is wearing tattered clothes. "Drake!" Helen runs to him as soon as she sees that he is rather beaten up. "And Drake's brother, too I guess. Are you okay, Drake?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little beaten up because of some hobos, but I'm fine." Drake looks at Josh and begins to laugh. "Dude, I still can't not laugh at you. Why are you still wearing that?"

"I forgot my clothes when I changed out of the Santa suit for Steve, okay?" Practically in the clear for once, Josh manages to break his cover. "Let it go!"

Helen now puts two and two together and realizes that Josh wasn't there yesterday, but Steve. "Did you say 'for Steve'?"

"Yeah, I gave.....oh." Josh sees what he's done now. "Oh, no. I--I'm sorry, it was an emergency. Drake was in danger, he needed my help!"

Helen cheers up because of this. "Oh, you saved Drake? Well, I guess I can't be too angry. If anything happened to that pretty face, I do not know what I'd do. I'll let it go this time, Drake's brother." Helen starts to walk away, but spins around to say one more thing. "Oh, and wash that costume and bring it back tomorrow. I don't want your nerd-germs all over it."

"Yes, Helen." Josh looks at his feet for a few seconds.

Drake starts to laugh at Helen's comment. "Nerd-germs."

"Shut it!"

Upstairs, in the concession stand, Steve is now back to work and sniffing cups again. "I missed you. Did you miss me?" He starts to get offended. "No?! What's that supposed to mean?!" He tosses the cup to the ground. "I don't need you anyway, I've got Sally!"

A man approaches the counter and taps on it to get Steve's attention. "Excuse me. Can I get a refill?"

"Can't you see I am having an emotional attack?!" Steve picks up the cup and waves it in the man's face. "This cup hurt me! I have a personal life too!"

The man walks away, utterly confused and thirsty.

Steve tosses the cup away and turns to see a present on the counter. He picks it up and sniffs it. "I wonder who this is from? Probably Sally! She's so good to me." He turns it over and sees the card. **From Stanley, To Steve. **"Uncle Santa?" He opens up the card and reads it. 'To my favorite...well, only nephew. Even though you've been a naughty boy this year, I know you were trying to do good for the kids. This is for you. Love, S.C.' Steve opens it up and sees what is inside: a can of wood chipper polish. Apparently there is such a thing. "Thanks Santa! This is the best Christmas ever." A lady passes by and Steve holds out the polish. "Look what Santa got me." She starts to walk away. "Look at it! I said look at it!" Steve jumps over the counter and starts to chase the woman to show her the polish.

Outside the mall, in the sky, a figure flies in the sky. A sleigh pulled by reindeer is what it appears to be. In it is Steve's Uncle. "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Or, day...whatever!" It flies away into the distance.

* * *

**Okay, so I know the ending is a little weird, but so is Crazy Steve. So I went a little holdiay crazy with it, but I thought it was a nice ending. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed the story and I hope to write for this fandom more. So I hope to see you all again in the future! **

**Happy Holidays!,**


	7. Bonus: You're A Crazy One, Crazy Steve

**Okay, so this chapter is a bonus/deleted chapter. It was originally going to be Chapter Five, but I couldn't quite work it into the story, so I went with the rhyme thing instead. But, I thought I'd be generous and let you see it anyway! It is a parody of the Grinch song. I hope you like it...**

**Deleted Chapter: You're A Crazy One, Crazy Steve**

You're a crazy one, Crazy Steve

You really are a nut

You're as smart as a rock,

You're as soothing as a paper cut.

Crazy Steve

You're a dirty, smelly hobo

In a never ending rut

You're a freak of nature, Crazy Steve

Your brain is a lump of coal

Yet your heart's as good as gold,

Even you've got good in your soul.

Crazy Steve

I'd never poke you, with a

fantastic new fly fishing pole

You're an insane one, Crazy Steve.

Your kookiness shows in your smile.

Your capability to care

Is that of a ceiling tile

Crazy Steve.

Why If I had a choice,

I'd rather argue with the ceiling tile

You're a spazzy one, Crazy Steve.

You're a noisy, nosey dud.

Your heart is full of gunk

Your soul is filled with crud

Crazy Steve.

If I had three choice words for you,

they'd be "Crazy, Crazier, and Craziest

You're a nutter, Crazy Steve.

You're the Lord of kooks and Crazies.

Your brain's a hamster wheel

With hamster that is lazy,

Crazy Steve

Your mind is a never ending stream of random usleless thoughts

that are the most idiodic sort of deplorable

trash imaginable,

Tied up all in a knot.

You scare me, Crazy Steve.

With your freaky deaky ways.

You're a messed up silly sight

For all sore eyes to see today

You're a big 'ol bowl of crazy flakes

and Kooky-O's

With extra spazz...

* * *


End file.
